Kid 1: *points at my pants* U gotta button that!
Me: It doesn't fit.
Kid 1: Maybe if you became skinnier
Me: R U calling me fat??
Kid 1: *shakes head yes* Your belly is fat. I'm not saying your whole body is fat mommy but your belly is very, very, fat. It's too fat.
???Why do my kids hate me so much!!??

KId 2: Daddy, I hate you daddy!
Daddy: WHY????
Kid 2: Becoj you made me shower, you told me to brush my teeth and you made me eat breakfajst.
Daddy: *laughs*
Kid 2: Don't laugh at me daddy. I'm gonna hate you more!!!
Kid 1: I love you daddy! 
Kid 2: NOOO, I love him more, I love him more than mommy.

Kid 1: Kid 2 why did you drop mommy's boobs on the floor???

Mom: *scared* HUH???

Kid 1: Mommy! He picked up your boobs. And he dropped them on the floor!!

Mom: *very, very, scared* Oh?

Kid 1: You know your boobs that covers your those.

Mom: You mean my bra?

Kid 1: Noooo your BOOBS!!!! that covers your THOSE!!!!!!